Old friends

This last weekend we had the opportunity to hang out with some college friends. M and I went to school with Mr. H, and he and M lived together and were in the same fraternity. yes, the fact that we were both involved in the Greek system in college is our dirty little secret. mine was even the subject of a skit on Saturday Night Live. Mr. H and his wife were dating when we were in college, and she came to visit often, so we have known her for a long time too. They are actually, of our friends, the only people we know who have been together longer than we have. They came to Alaska on their honeymoon, and spent some time with us. We were able to set up a couple of things for them in Juneau (Glacier trek/ice climbing trip with helicopter comes to mind), but Mrs. H planned most of the trip herself, and did a fantastic job, even from the perspective of someone who lived there.

Anyway, even though they live in NH, and we have been back for over two years now, this is the first time that we have seen each other since we have been back east. They drove 2.5 hours and spent the night at the Farmhouse with their kids. It was one of those situations where it has been a while (probably since Sam's baby naming 7 years ago), and yet it was just the same. At one point, we were making dinner and all in the kitchen, and the kids were running around, and we looked at each other and I said, "This is weird!" But mostly it was weird because it wasn't. And M has reminded me that he and Mr. H saw each other once at Union for a Beer Pong Tourney, but that was through a haze of beer...

The kids got along fantastically. The "little" boys had a sleepover in The Little Person's room, and their daughter is just a really cool kid. They all went sledding down the grassy hill, and whined when it was time too leave, which we thought was a good sign.

It was a good way to end the summer. We spent time with friends, we ran around in VT and hiked and swam; we went to farm and checked out the cows, horses, sheep and chickens, and drove around country roads, "toodling." We got back in time for a leisurely dinner of take-out Indian food, and prep for The Little Person's first day of school. The Whole Day! Eating Lunch At School! Taking The Van Home!

First day of school

Today was Sammy Noodles' first day of school. Well, the first day that all the kids are back, since he went to school all summer. Actually half camp, half school. I don't know how it went because he isn't home yet. He got to meet his new second grade teacher today, Mrs. S. She sent us a lovely email welcoming Sam and asking about anything she could do to make things better or easier for him. I think I will take her up on it, as soon as I catch up on a few things, like blogging.

We spent the last week on Cape Cod. It was really a great vacation. We took the kids to the beach every day (most days they went twice), and we swam in the pool, played outside, and ate lots of seafood. The house was perfect for us, and I like the idea that it is a house and area we can go back to next year.

I wanted to get something off my chest, to share a thought with you. I should start off by telling you that M disagrees with me on this. Every once in a while, someone with kids who is coming to my house will ask me what they should say about Sam to their kids. Now these are nice, good people. Often people I know pretty well. And I find myself feeling, well.....annoyed. I know, it sounds terrible. Wouldn't I rather someone ask than not talk to me (or Sam)? Sure. And I have thought about it a lot to figure out what it is about the question, and the conversation, that bothers me. The truth is, it isn't the concept of asking, it's the vagueness of the question. I think I would mind less if someone asked me a specific question about Sam. Or, if their child asked me a question. That would be even better, I think. But when someone asks me in advance of a visit, or in preparation for a conversation with their kid(s), what to tell them about Sam, I guess I just don't know what to say. And I guess I think it's kind of a dumb question. I apologize in advance for my rudeness, because I know the question is well intentioned, and not asked to make me feel bad, or irritated. But the thing is, I'm not sure it's necessary to talk about Sam's disability in advance of meeting him, if a kid doesn't ask.

That said, my answer would probably be more general than specific. I wouldn't necessarily say to a young kid that Sam had autism, but more likely go along the lines that there are some things that are difficult for him, like talking, and he uses a device (the iPad) to help him communicate. I think part of exposing kids to people's differences is sort of pretending like things aren't a big deal, or they aren't that different from you. Focusing on the similarities. The idea, that all children are kids, just like you, but some may have a special chair to help them walk (and go really fast), or an iPad to help them talk (and tell jokes, play games, watch movies and read books). I know this is simplistic, and may not work for all kids, but I feel like the way to talk about this kind of thing is on a need to know basis. Like when a kid asks a direct question. Does this make any sense? I hope I haven't offended anyone, and I don't know if other parents of kids with special needs, or kids with autism feel like this, but it is how I feel. So if you ask me what to tell you to tell your kid about Sam's autism, I may say I don't know. I'm not in charge of autism PR. I do have a child with autism, and it is a distinct part of my life, but it's just a part. Ask me what he likes to do (swim), or eat (pizza), or whether he understands what we say (yes, mostly, when asked in a direct and simple way), and is he happy (absolutely!). But I am not an expert in autism, and all kids on the spectrum are different. So I can only share my experiences. which I might do, if you are very nice and I'm in the mood.