In which I get all mushy about my kids and Halloween

There are a lot of things that are hard about having kids. Sleepless nights (or years for that matter), potty training, huge meltdowns, and more sleep deprivation. Actually, looking back, most of the stress of having your kids be little seems to be (for me at least), just this feeling of not being yourself. From sharing your body (the constancy of feeding and holding a baby delightful and then the constant carrying of a toddler), to the mental and emotional limits of not having a whole lot left over after all of the caretaking is done. And the nights, days, weeks, months, years of exhaustion can not be underestimated. It takes a hell of a toll on a person.

But, there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Aside from the highlights of the early years; walking, talking, giggles and discoveries; there is the peace of coming back to yourself as the kids get older and develop into small people with distinct personalities. The break of getting to the point of your child being able to play by themselves, however temporarily. The joy of being old enough to understand the major themes of holidays (loving family, good food, presents). And then there are the moments that make it fun to be a parent. The reason you do it in the first place. The reason that despite all the rough times, you can't imagine having made any other choice.

For me, this year, Halloween has been one of those times. The kids are old enough to show a preference for dress-up and costumes, theatrical displays, and spooky stuff. I have reveled in my Batman and Darth Vader chasing each other through the house, and our own Spongebob and Woody jumping on the trampoline. In addition, and I must say I take a little pride in this; the kids are not scared of anything. In fact, they beg for more. Case in point. Apparently, as I noted in an earlier post, LB complained that the decorations we borrowed from Grandma were not spooky enough. Especially compared to the spooky stuff in our next door neighbors yard. So together, we scoured the local Halloween stores for hanging bats, skulls that light up, pirate skeletons, ghosts and scary old fences.

Several haunted houses and spooky night walks later, we have reached the pinnacle. All Hallows Eve. Mellow day, followed by afternoon haunted house, neighbor Halloween/pre-trick or treating party, trick or treating on our street with Lovely Neighbor, and then trick or treating in Lovely Neighbors new neighborhood, followed by pizza and general mayhem. I have thoroughly enjoyed the Halloween season this year. We have carved pumpkins (three carved, eight all-together), roasted pumpkin seeds (some burned), and gone to community events. Our kids are like us, loving of fun and costumes and scary stuff. And it might be genetic, because OUR parents like Halloween too. We have finally reached the fun point in having children. Despite the hardships, there are times like today when we actually think, maybe this whole child-rearing thing wasn't such a bad idea...

Confession

I have a confession that I feel kind of guilty about. Of course, if I didn't feel guilty about it, it wouldn't be a confession, would it? Here's the thing. I try to live by example. I am not a big activist, I don't write to my senator, or attend rallies. Even when the cause is something I care deeply about. I do vote (though often for the lesser of the evils); I grow some of my own food and buy mostly organic and local; I recycle; I compost; I walk or ride my bike instead of driving when possible; I try to choose a recreational activity with my family instead of paying for an activity when I can, but... A really big but, actually. I am a consumer. More than I would like. I like buying things. Not shopping, really, but things that are easy for me to justify. We go to the library regularly for the kids, but I also buy a ton of books on Amazon for my Kindle because I love to read and finally have the time. M makes me coffee every day, twice a day, but I also sometimes buy coffee when I am out. I usually bring water with me, but I occasionally buy bottles of water, which I hate. We order take-out at least once a week (usually Indian with Lovely Neighbors). I buy Halloween decorations because LB says the ones we borrowed from Grandma aren't spooky or scary enough. I buy Halloween costumes, because they are better than the ones I could make (though I draw the lines at the ones that seem like they are made out of plastic bags). I buy apps for our iPad, mostly educational ones for the kids, but still. I buy music for me and movies to entertain the kids, because I think music is an important way to express yourself and relax, and M and I really like movies and want to share that with the kids. I buy pretty shoes and occasionally expensive jeans, because quality is easier to rationalize than quantity. I like things that are well made and last a long time. And pretty shoes make me happy.I buy books for the kids, because, well, they're books! And having a kid with autism makes somethings easier to buy. The Yogibo (crazy huge beanbag)? It's therapy. The apps and tag reader books? They will help him to read! The Spongebob Halloween costume will help him to imitate, interact and participate! The cool clothes will help him seem more normal, and to be honest, like someone cares about him. I hate seeing folks with special needs who just look like nobody cared enough to buy them clothes that fit. I recognize that I am lucky to live in a country where I have these options, and that I have the money to buy these things. For years, we watched every penny, and saved up for the "important" things. Now, it's a little easier, and I admit, I am enjoying it. I like making my kids happy and to be honest, I like playing with their toys too. Do they have too many? Probably. That's why we do toy and clothes cleansings and give away things we don't need anymore to friends or other people who might be able to use them. I understand that things aren't that important, and if it was all gone tomorrow, I think I'd be fine. I've done without before, and I could do it again. But isn't it okay to do a little of both? To take a walk and collect fall items for the science table at school or go apple picking and make apple crisp, but also to buy tickets to a special show or a much desired toy? I am still trying to balance taking advantage of the opportunities provided where I live now, and remember that we are all happiest playing outside, riding bikes home from school or collecting sticks. I think it's good to continually be seeking balance. Too smooth a ride would be, well, boring.

Little Bunny doesn't know his letters

I really need to start writing down my ideas for blog posts. I think of these great ideas, and ASSUME I will remember them. But then I don't. So I will start with what's on my mind. LB doesn't know his letters very well at all. He knows the letters in his name (of which there are three), and can MAYBE recognize half a dozen more on a good day. Is that normal? It feels like not a lot to me, and I'm not sure how to help him with this. I tend to get really frustrated when teaching him things because his patience is short (like mine) and he gets frustrated and says he quits, and then I snap, and it's done and I just feel guilty. His speech is great, he uses complete and lengthy sentences, is very creative/imaginative and a big story teller. I would say that his use of numbers is only slightly better, in that he can reliably count to ten or eleven, but doesn't have much of an understanding of written/printed numbers. I should obviously talk to his teacher(s) about this, along with my mother (educator/speech therapist), and babysitter (teacher). I can easily get him help, but I'm not sure what is normal for this age (4.5years old). To be honest, this is not something we've focused a whole lot on, so given the chance, he might progress very quickly. It's just that we were playing this Montessori Crossword game on the iPad, and I realized he had very little letter recognition. With Sam being Sam, I'm just never sure what is typical...Sam, of course, has great letter recognition, and needs to work more on the letter/sound connection. He is more at a reading/writing stage, though his number skills need some work (though are improving).

Back Again

The past several weeks have been unusually crazy. I went to OR for my annual girl trip with Aunty B. Then I chaired the scholastic book fair at The Little Person's School. I took The Little Person to the Legofest in Boston, M and I went to a live taping of the radio show Says You in Concord, MA; and M went to Alaska for a week for business. Did I mention we went apple picking? And our good friends from Juneau, came east to look at boarding schools for their son. They are staying at my parents house. I'm sure there is more, but I'm tired from my week of single parenting and being sick.

Other names The Little Person goes by are Little Bunny, Meatball, and Pickle. Let's go with Little Bunny for a while. LB for short. LB and I put up Halloween decorations we borrowed from Grandma on Saturday. LB decided the decorations weren't spooky enough, especially compared to our next door neighbors. So yesterday we went to the Halloween store (a.k.a iparty) and found some spookier stuff. I think we did pretty well. LB has also been getting into Legos. He actually started building things, mostly pirates and ships.