A Day in the Life

Today was supposed to be fun for Sam. He was going on a school field trip (he goes to school year round) to Davis Farmland, a farm/petting zoo/splash park in Sterling, MA. This was a big deal for 2 reasons: 1. Sam needs one-on-one supervision and they had enough supervision for this trip that M and I didn't have to go, and 2. We thought Sam would have a great time, between the splash park, corn maze and snack bar (Sam loves french fries and hot dogs).

I'm not sure exactly where it all went wrong, but it had something to do with the van. The van picked him up sometime after 8:30, and at about 8:45 I got a call from the woman in charge of transportation. The woman from the town said that Sam was uncooperative, that he wouldn't get in his [car]seat and that they were bringing him home so that we could either calm him down or take him to school. After that change of plan, I got him off the bus and put him in the car so that M could drop him off at school. Then, I got a call from another parent, wondering why the van was late for her child. I explained the incident, and went to get dressed. After a little while, M showed up. He said that S was fine the whole way to school, but then on the way home got a call in the car that S was again crying and uncooperative and if it continued he wouldn't be able to go on the field trip. We were unsure whether that meant he could stay at school or need to come home. As we waited to to see if the teacher would call again, I struggled with a mixture of panic and anxiety.

Sure enough, the phone rang, and M went to school to retrieve S. The change in plans didn't feel great, but part of me felt like maybe he just didn't want to go for whatever reason, and better to find out now than when he was a an hour away. Maybe he was upset he didn't bring Puppy (his beloved stuffed animal), or maybe he just didn't want to miss out on fun time with the cousins that were visiting.

Things seemed tolerable for a good part of the day. We helped the kids ride their bikes, and Sam did pretty well. We still need to get better training wheels. We went in the sprinkler, and then M went to the hardware store and the kids and I were relaxing. A little while later I went to help Sam in the potty (still needs some help wiping) and while I was in there he dropped his ipod in the toilet. The water was clean by that point, but I'm pretty sure the ipod is toast. This is frustrating because obviously ipods (this was the touch) are expensive, and also because Sam uses his for communication as well as entertainment. He has lots of pictures loaded on that he uses to tell us what he wants, as well as a couple of programs that simulate speech when you touch an icon, word(s) or picture(s).

Also, at that moment, it felt like the culmination of everything that is hard about our life. I found some white sticky substance (toothpaste) on the bath and hand towel and a couple of the cabinets open. Sam likes to go through cabinets and squeeze/pump things out of their tubes/bottles (toothpaste, sunblock, soap, bug spray, room spray). I went ballistic and felt such rage for the injustice and indignity of it all. For the difference between how my life is and how it was supposed to be. (Apparently I was more upset than I thought about the field trip.) I usually don't dwell on the unfairness or comparisons, partly because it's useless, and partly because most days I can find some joy in my life with Sam.

As I calm down and get myself together, I recall the good things that happened with Sam this week. He lost his first tooth, he got his first trauma free haircut (trust me, that's a whole separate post), and did well at his end of the summer school party. Edited to add...There was a bathroom incident prior to bedtime that involved lots of cleaning of rooms, furniture and a child which left us drained and me too tired to go for a bike ride that I'd been looking forward to all day. Fortunately, we have plans with friends tomorrow; a nice break and free childcare.