Anyway, we hung out, ordered drinks and food, and then there was a short presentation to thank the PTO board members and coordinators. After the presentation of gifts and the responses, we had an impromptu discussion about volunteering, and how to get more people to be active in the PTO, and by extension in their children's school. A couple of people mentioned ideas for why people didn't volunteer and suggestions for how to overcome those obstacles.
I thought for a while during the conversation about why I was at the dinner, how I had participated in this year's PTO activities, and what kept me from volunteering more of my time. I thought for a while about how I was different from the other parents there, and about pulling the PTO Chair aside afterwards and sharing my thoughts privately. She had been nice to me and had been welcoming at the BBQ for Teacher Appreciation Week I had helped out with a few weeks ago.
And I listened to these women, who sounded as if they really cared about their children school, the Parent Teacher Organization, and how to make it better and more inclusive. These were smart women, who seemed to have a certain amount of empathy and emotional maturity. In some ways, they didn't seem that different for me. And I opened my mouth, and I used my voice.
I told them about my disconnect. About how I felt different from the other parents at school, because I have a child with special needs. About how I felt that my parenting experience had been so different from theirs. About how I managed children in two different schools, in three different classrooms (Max's class, Sam's typical 2nd grade class, and his sub-separate classroom.) About how it was hard to participate in an activity if it was something that my child couldn't participate in for whatever reason. About how his sub-separate classroom didn't have it's door decorated for teacher appreciation week (at least six teachers). About how I didn't know most of the parents in Sam's "typical" 2nd grade class, and how I only recently stopped crying at teacher conferences.
I explained how when I do participate, I have to explain how my child is different. Why I live in another district and have a younger child at a different school. About how thankful I am to have this kind of program in my town and in one of our public elementary schools.
I think the principal was there. I think they all listened. I know that the five moms told me then and approached me shortly after we concluded to let me know that they didn't know that I had a child with autism until I told them; that they didn't know that their school had a program like Sam's with a sub-separate classroom; that their child was in Sam's class and that they knew of Sam but didn't know he had autism; that they wanted to introduce themselves to me; and that they felt disconnected too, for various reasons.
I left feeling a little lighter. The night went differently than I imagined, but I'm pleased that I went. Pleased that I participated in the organization, and pleased that I shared my thoughts. The funny thing is, as you know from my last post, I feel so much better generally. Sam is so much better. Our lives are good and full and both kids are progressing rapidly. I think that being in this place that we are in now, were we love our boys and we look forward to the future, also involves some public outing. Of who we are and where we came from. It involves having a voice and using it, in a way that works for us.
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