Monday, May 23, 2011

What goes up must come down

Sam is doing so well overall, and especially lately, that we were bound to hit a road bump. I'm surprised that I was so surprised by it. Sunday afternoon we went to Dunvegan Farm to check out a possible horseback riding scenario for Sam. I had chatted with one of the owners, who also lives on the property. They rescue horses, ponies and miniature donkeys, and do riding lessons with inner city kids, and other kids at risk for lack of opportunity who are surviving a tough life. The setting was ideal, in that although the farm is not specifically set up to work with kids with autism, Allison was open to it, and really wanted to meet the four of us.

We arrived in the late afternoon, and the kids barreled out of the car. We could easily see the horse barn and the donkey pen, as well as some chickens. I managed to find my way up to the house and introduced myself to Allison, and introduced Allison to us. I guess what I was so shocked by, which in retrospect I should have expected, was how out of control Sam seemed. Like the Sam from a couple of years ago, he ran all over, neither listening to us, nor having any real focus. After I had explained how much Sam loved horses to Allison on the phone, I was almost embarrassed by his seeming disinterest in them when she tried to show us around the horse barn. The running wildly and not listening continued throughout the visit. We did get a chance to talk to Allison, who was very calm, not at all phased, and mostly interested in learning about Sam, and thinking about what we could do to interest him and focus him. Max got to lead a sweet old horse named Abe out to the grass to eat, and the boys had lots of fun jumping on, and "riding" the vaulting equipment. There were baby ducks, and a zen goldfish pond, complete with calming Buddha statue(s).

Though Matt and I were moderately stressed by Sam's behavior, Allison couldn't have been lovelier or more open to the ramblings of our wild family. We agreed to meet again in two weeks, and she said she would think on a structure for Sam's visits, and tasks that would lead to rewards, so he would know what to expect. I think she envisioned him working up to riding by caring for the animals, which sounded great to us.

We adults discussed how it was a new place for him, and how, come to think of it, it often took him some time in a new situation to get used to the space before he could focus on what was expected of him. Thinking later, I realized that instead of it being the old Sam, it was the new Sam, in a new situation. We had widened his world so much, incorporating and making him comfortable with so many new situations and experiences, that we forgot what it was like when something was new for him. We expanded his life to the point where a whole host of things is normal and a part of his repertoire. He can go to the grocery store, go for a family hike, go swimming at the beach, get a haircut, go to the toy store, go out to eat, go on family vacations, and ride his scooter up and down our street without accompaniment (but still with close supervision). Going to the farm was level of freedom and lack of structure in a new setting that he hasn't experienced in a while.

The experience was successful for a couple of reasons. In our way of thinking, it was good for Allison to see Sam at his worst, because it could only go up from there. It also allowed us to see how far he has come, how high our expectations are for him now. And lastly, it reminded us that there is always work to be done with our boy. That things still don't come easily to him, and that new things take time for him to get used to and adjust accordingly.

All I know is that today was a good day for Sam at school, and he scooted up and down our street this afternoon. He did go around the corner to an adjoining street, but was easily convinced to come back. He balked at getting his nails cut (and that is putting it mildly) and reading aloud before reading to himself in bed, but he did both. And he was happy.

1 comment:

  1. You know, these posts look absolutely fantastic when accompanied by photos (hint, hint :))

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