We are in VT. And it's great. Even when it's not. It's still hard here: the kids are still a daily challenge and I am not magically calm and relaxed. Except that I am. My stress is different here. It seems more manageable and more hopeful too. I can dream about what our life would be like if we lived here, and I took care of Sam full-time, and the kids ran around in the the woods and fields all day and took baths in the big tub, and chased each other all over the house. This place keeps me in touch with who I thought I would be: living in a beautiful place, a natural setting, where we have land and can garden and have a couple of chickens and some bees ( okay, the bee think is just me-M is ready for chickens, I think), eat locally and ski and swim in the ponds and rivers, with a big dog that has the run of the property and knows all of the neighbors.
I see Sam here, and I see the possibilities for all of us. And then he sticks his boot through a chunk of ice into so much mud it gets stuck and his foot comes out with just a sock on. And then The Little Person drives me crazy so that I am talking to him like the little brat I fear he's becoming. And then Sam is so tired that he goes upstairs to sleep at seven, and gets up at three. And there isn't enough snow for skate skiing even though there's no global warming. And then my MIL takes The Little Person to the Science Museum, and M goes skiing (downhill) and Sam I are home alone. And I dream about showering (or at least getting dresses) and going for a walk and eating lunch and doing work with him on the new laptop and taking a nap. And he hugs me and snuggles and has me kiss and snuggle his stinky (stuffed) puppy. And even when it is bad it is good. Or okay enough. Because the peace of my surroundings (both inside and out) penetrates my core. And I don't care if I don't ski or work out or go into town to shop or go out to dinner. I get to breathe and take walks and play in the snow with my family and play Rummy Kube and drink wine and eat chocolate in front of the fire while watching the Olympics and go upstairs and lose myself in a book and fall asleep and start again.
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Beautifully written.
ReplyDeleteWe gave up our full-time jobs in Boston about five years ago and moved to VT. Bought a house in West Pawlet (where?) and lived that same dream (bees and all) for about two years. Then, reality set in. We were making almost no money while working our tails off full-time. Couldn't afford to have the second baby we desperately wanted. Struggled. Missed the life (read: money) that included vacations to sunny places, the occasional dinner out and baby-sitters.
So, we moved back. And had that baby. And took the vacations. And, we're glad we did. But also so grateful that my parents still live there and we can get there as often as possible and still think...maybe some day.
A - So glad you guys are having a good time at the farmhouse! Wish I was there instead of locked in my grey cubicle for 7.5 hours a day..... sigh.
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