How far We Have Come

This may not mean a lot to most people, but Sam just let me use the computer downstairs. he did not whine and cry, or stand absurdly close. He sat quietly on the couch and watched Shrek. I didn't even realize I was doing it at first, I just absentmindedly opened the browser while using the desk phone to order Thai food. But then I looked over and saw Sam, and realized how different our life is then when we arrived in Massachusetts almost two years ago now.

We no longer watch TV non-stop. We no longer have iCarly/Nickelodeon on 24/7. When Sam wants something, he asks nicely. When he cries, it is because he is sad, and he accepts comfort from us. We can set limits. Due to the fact that his "behaviors" at school are virtually nil, he is accomplishing a lot of work. He takes his turn with toys at home. He shares with Max. He almost seems more mature than his little brother for the first time.

And yet he is still Sam. Still getting up at 4 (though we have had some 5 and 5:30 days recently), still having spaghetti or pizza for breakfast, still finding the key and sneaking into the pantry for off limits candy. Still the best smile in the world. Still more of a head nuzzler than a hugger (though he has surprised me a few times recently with real hugs). Still peeing all over the toilet seat. I have always said that if h elistened, if his behavior was under control, than I didn't care about the other stuff. And it's true. I am more relaxed with him than I have ever been. I even, dare I say, enjoy him! I will do everything I can to make life easier for him and to help him be as successful as possible, but as long as he is happy and trying his best, I am more than satisfied. Ask Mrs. H, his teacher, he is a very hard working little guy.

Oh, and this is super cute. Apparently, he is having a social interaction with a friend on the school van. And they both love it. I think this is the first year since his first birthday that I have looked forward to celebrating. I still don't know exactly what toy he would want (though I am a pretty good guesser), and I'm not sure exactly how much he will anticipate his birthday, but I am confident that that gorgeous smile will be in attendance when we bring out the flaming birthday cake! Seven candles! I am starting to feel less like a victim and more like a survivor. We are not over autism, but it no longer defines us.

Tomorrow the cab is picking us up at 4AM for the airport (which, as I told Lovely Neighbor, is early, even for us!). I think I will have a small amount of anxiety at least until we are safely settled on the first flight, and maybe till we get into the rental car and drive to The Grandparents. But I know we will have a great trip.